He is the savior...not me

I was selfish. I didn't want to invite him. I never see my family, I wanted to spend time with them without the added distraction. He lived 15 mninutes out of the way. I didnt feel like the extra half an hour of driving. I wanted to relax-I didn't want the extra emotional strain he always brings me. I was selfish.

I invited him to church anyways. I gave him every possible chance to get out of it, but he called less than five minutes later accepting my offer to pick him up.

Then it hit me! Since I sacrificed to bring him to church, even when I didn't want to, today might be the day he comes to know the Lord. I got excited and thought about what a cool story that would make. I was ready to have my moment, the second when you realize that all the prayers and sacrifices were worth it. I couldn't wait for the invitation. Again, I made everything all about me.

The invitation came and went. The last chorus finished with him still standing stoically beside me. I wanted to scream! I wanted to shake him! I wanted to tell him all of this things that I thought he could be. He could be the doctor that he used to dream about! He could get his son back! He could be this changed man that I imagine every time I am with him. I wanted to show him what he had become, but also what Christ could do in him. I wanted to save him....

But I am not anyones savior. I am not meant to be. I cant change him.

This is discouraging. He is a day away from drinking himself to death. He is a second away from another hospital visit. He is one mistake from losing his son forever. His cough is one of life-long smoker. His smell is one of continual drunk. He is my friend and his heart is one of a very lost man who has somehow ended up where he never wanted to be.

I am not meant to bring results. I am simply called to love and obey. It's not about me. If and when God chooses to use me in his life, I will stand in awe. But for now, God, save my friend...I cannot.

Random thought of today:
I do not buy in to the whole idea that we can do anything we set our minds to. I realize that human beings and our abilities or lack there off are not the center forces in the universe. We each have boundaries, we each have talents, and we all our bound to fail or succeed at certain points in our lives. Winning and losing may not be "healthy" to teach students, but it is truth.
However, do you ever feel like you are written off? Like the things you would dream to aspire to, others try to talk you out of. It's like you are already taken out of the running to become what you think you could be.Granted, no success is possible without Christ. And even though it is Him who brings results, we are not called to settle for ordinary and to be content with the status quo. Nor are we called to expect that of others. I think one of my gifts is to be able to see greatness in other people. People make choices and I just want to shake them and scream, "Do you know what you could be!!??" I want so much more for them...and sometimes for me to.
It's hard to fight against a world that is continually trying to push you into the crowd.

Life wasn't fair
Choices and mistakes were made
I thought that left me entitled
It was time to get repaid.

I thought I knew the answers
or at least deserved to hear them
It was time for my rewards,
I was owed for the time I'd given

but then I grew up.

I wasn't there at the beginning...

I have never seen the heavens....

The sky is a forbidden mystery to me...

The world's workings are unfathomable...

Who am I?

More importantly...Who is He? and how do I compare?