He is the savior...not me

I was selfish. I didn't want to invite him. I never see my family, I wanted to spend time with them without the added distraction. He lived 15 mninutes out of the way. I didnt feel like the extra half an hour of driving. I wanted to relax-I didn't want the extra emotional strain he always brings me. I was selfish.

I invited him to church anyways. I gave him every possible chance to get out of it, but he called less than five minutes later accepting my offer to pick him up.

Then it hit me! Since I sacrificed to bring him to church, even when I didn't want to, today might be the day he comes to know the Lord. I got excited and thought about what a cool story that would make. I was ready to have my moment, the second when you realize that all the prayers and sacrifices were worth it. I couldn't wait for the invitation. Again, I made everything all about me.

The invitation came and went. The last chorus finished with him still standing stoically beside me. I wanted to scream! I wanted to shake him! I wanted to tell him all of this things that I thought he could be. He could be the doctor that he used to dream about! He could get his son back! He could be this changed man that I imagine every time I am with him. I wanted to show him what he had become, but also what Christ could do in him. I wanted to save him....

But I am not anyones savior. I am not meant to be. I cant change him.

This is discouraging. He is a day away from drinking himself to death. He is a second away from another hospital visit. He is one mistake from losing his son forever. His cough is one of life-long smoker. His smell is one of continual drunk. He is my friend and his heart is one of a very lost man who has somehow ended up where he never wanted to be.

I am not meant to bring results. I am simply called to love and obey. It's not about me. If and when God chooses to use me in his life, I will stand in awe. But for now, God, save my friend...I cannot.